Kangski sez...
Effie D. (Grade 9 Yearbook Penance)
Awhile ago, I mentioned that I’d X-ed out a number of peoples’ portraits in my grade 9 yearbook. Generally, they were the assholes in my gym class, a few people I didn’t like, and a whole bunch of rockers/metallers (almost all of whom I didn’t actually know).
As penance, I said I’d eventually draw all of ‘em – but it’s been a hot minute since I’ve actually done so (or any drawings for that matter, but I digress…). Sooooo, here’s Effie!
I guess I X-ed her out due to rockerness, but she looks kinda normal until you notice that bird’s nest she’s got stacked on her dome. Plus she’s wearing one of those collarless shirts that button up at the top. I believe they call them “Henleys” – possibly named after Don Henley because they suck so much?

Effie D. (Grade 9 Yearbook Penance)

Awhile ago, I mentioned that I’d X-ed out a number of peoples’ portraits in my grade 9 yearbook. Generally, they were the assholes in my gym class, a few people I didn’t like, and a whole bunch of rockers/metallers (almost all of whom I didn’t actually know).

As penance, I said I’d eventually draw all of ‘em – but it’s been a hot minute since I’ve actually done so (or any drawings for that matter, but I digress…). Sooooo, here’s Effie!

I guess I X-ed her out due to rockerness, but she looks kinda normal until you notice that bird’s nest she’s got stacked on her dome. Plus she’s wearing one of those collarless shirts that button up at the top. I believe they call them “Henleys” – possibly named after Don Henley because they suck so much?

Elisa P. (a set of weirdos)
"Weirdo" might be a bit harsh, in her case. I actually knew her, so you can consider me an authority. She was moreso odd or strange – perhaps even quirky or kooky. But I thought it was important to include at least one chick in the weirdo tally.
Don’t get it twisted – she wasn’t like Ally Sheedy in the Breakfast Club, or nuthin’. Just a bookish, Finnish-Canadian chick who was kinda cute but also a li’l awkward (though weren’t we all in hi skool? Actually, this ain’t true. There were mad peeps who’ve been comfortable in their own skin since Jumpstreet {this is an expression, not a reference to time-period, present or O.G.}. I just never been one of them. But I digress…)

Elisa P. (a set of weirdos)

"Weirdo" might be a bit harsh, in her case. I actually knew her, so you can consider me an authority. She was moreso odd or strange – perhaps even quirky or kooky. But I thought it was important to include at least one chick in the weirdo tally.

Don’t get it twisted – she wasn’t like Ally Sheedy in the Breakfast Club, or nuthin’. Just a bookish, Finnish-Canadian chick who was kinda cute but also a li’l awkward (though weren’t we all in hi skool? Actually, this ain’t true. There were mad peeps who’ve been comfortable in their own skin since Jumpstreet {this is an expression, not a reference to time-period, present or O.G.}. I just never been one of them. But I digress…)

Sarah G. (Re-dux)
Sometimes people have unflattering yearbook pictures. And sometimes I draw even more unflattering drawings of said pictures – and it’s totally not their fault. I did Sarah G. a disservice by drawing a particularly unflattering picture of her early on here: glasses, braces, rilly bad hair, you get the idea…
In fact, I don’t think my drawing was all that terrible – but let’s just say she wudn’t at her best in the photo. I’m glad to say that two years later, she done got right. No more glasses, no more braces. Looks like her hair done got did, too. And I might’ve even drawn her more flatteringly than her photo, if you can believe that shit.
I got a request I’ll get to this week – and more weirdos are on the way – but I thought Sarah G. deserved my own meager version of a Web Redemption a la Tosh.0 that just couldn’t wait. BTW, I use Amurican (sic – so y’all know I did that shit on purpose) spellings here cuz shit just makes more sense. Superfluous letters gotta go, nawimean?

Sarah G. (Re-dux)

Sometimes people have unflattering yearbook pictures. And sometimes I draw even more unflattering drawings of said pictures – and it’s totally not their fault. I did Sarah G. a disservice by drawing a particularly unflattering picture of her early on here: glasses, braces, rilly bad hair, you get the idea…

In fact, I don’t think my drawing was all that terrible – but let’s just say she wudn’t at her best in the photo. I’m glad to say that two years later, she done got right. No more glasses, no more braces. Looks like her hair done got did, too. And I might’ve even drawn her more flatteringly than her photo, if you can believe that shit.

I got a request I’ll get to this week – and more weirdos are on the way – but I thought Sarah G. deserved my own meager version of a Web Redemption a la Tosh.0 that just couldn’t wait. BTW, I use Amurican (sic – so y’all know I did that shit on purpose) spellings here cuz shit just makes more sense. Superfluous letters gotta go, nawimean?

P. Dobson (another in a set of weirdos)
So what makes duke so weird? I dunno – his hair? He just seemed kinda funny and lonerish, I guess. And yeah, his hair…

P. Dobson (another in a set of weirdos)

So what makes duke so weird? I dunno – his hair? He just seemed kinda funny and lonerish, I guess. And yeah, his hair…

Ryan C. (a set of weirdos)
Okay, “weirdos” might be a li’l harsh – especially as it could be argued that I myself am one of their ilk. But whateves… We used to call dude “Sex Pistols Mutant Man” – I guess cuz he was kinda albino-looking (but not an albino), had 12 (or 16?)-hole Docs and a Sex Pistols t-shirt. And his glasses had this funny tint which I tried to capture here.
One look at him and you knew he was destined to be Stage Crew – you know, fixing lights, twiddling knobs and futzing with cables. If his current occupation doesn’t involve audio engineering, then my early-age stereotyping skills need serious upgrading…

Ryan C. (a set of weirdos)

Okay, “weirdos” might be a li’l harsh – especially as it could be argued that I myself am one of their ilk. But whateves… We used to call dude “Sex Pistols Mutant Man” – I guess cuz he was kinda albino-looking (but not an albino), had 12 (or 16?)-hole Docs and a Sex Pistols t-shirt. And his glasses had this funny tint which I tried to capture here.

One look at him and you knew he was destined to be Stage Crew – you know, fixing lights, twiddling knobs and futzing with cables. If his current occupation doesn’t involve audio engineering, then my early-age stereotyping skills need serious upgrading…

C. Magda
I haven’t forgotten about the ladies, no matter how ethnic it may get. C. Magda here is great cuz she had a look, nawimean? When chicks are exceptionally good looking, oft’ times a look is unnecessary – cuz I mean, lookit ‘em! But like Avis, No. 2 has to try harder, feel me? 
As a result you get hi skool chicks like C. Magda here, who had a kinda mod/ska/rude-girl thing goin’ on. You know the deal – James jacket, cherry Docs, M1 bomber, etc. It’s evident even from this portrait – razor-sharp bangs, dark ruby lipstick, tennis shirt buttoned to the top. A look.
I know – you’re like, so what? But prior to the Internet, having taste and flexing a visual opinion took consideration, deliberation, pre-meditated action and several trips downtown – which, if you’ve ever lived in Scarboro, ain’t nuthin’ nearby. You had to want it, and then you had to follow through and do it. So kudos, C. Magda. And I didn’t mean to imply anything negative about your looks…

C. Magda

I haven’t forgotten about the ladies, no matter how ethnic it may get. C. Magda here is great cuz she had a look, nawimean? When chicks are exceptionally good looking, oft’ times a look is unnecessary – cuz I mean, lookit ‘em! But like Avis, No. 2 has to try harder, feel me? 

As a result you get hi skool chicks like C. Magda here, who had a kinda mod/ska/rude-girl thing goin’ on. You know the deal – James jacket, cherry Docs, M1 bomber, etc. It’s evident even from this portrait – razor-sharp bangs, dark ruby lipstick, tennis shirt buttoned to the top. A look.

I know – you’re like, so what? But prior to the Internet, having taste and flexing a visual opinion took consideration, deliberation, pre-meditated action and several trips downtown – which, if you’ve ever lived in Scarboro, ain’t nuthin’ nearby. You had to want it, and then you had to follow through and do it. So kudos, C. Magda. And I didn’t mean to imply anything negative about your looks…

M. Sulev
Some folks in hi skool are famous just because you hear their names all the time. Announcements, assemblies, awards – if you’re a Chess Champion, a medal-winning Mathlete or some kinda kick-ass Track & Field athlete, everybody grows up hearing your goddamn name echoing in our goddamn ears.
We don’t resent you. We just end up knowing your name without ever knowing you. M. Sulev is one of those folks. Normally, I don’t do grad pics (cuz like, who cares?) – but dude’s name-knowing status and serious mustache-and-goatee combo meal put him over the top like Stallone for his son Michael’s sake in the film, Over the Top (BTW, did you know Giorgio Moroder did the music for that joint!?!)

M. Sulev

Some folks in hi skool are famous just because you hear their names all the time. Announcements, assemblies, awards – if you’re a Chess Champion, a medal-winning Mathlete or some kinda kick-ass Track & Field athlete, everybody grows up hearing your goddamn name echoing in our goddamn ears.

We don’t resent you. We just end up knowing your name without ever knowing you. M. Sulev is one of those folks. Normally, I don’t do grad pics (cuz like, who cares?) – but dude’s name-knowing status and serious mustache-and-goatee combo meal put him over the top like Stallone for his son Michael’s sake in the film, Over the Top (BTW, did you know Giorgio Moroder did the music for that joint!?!)

Yung D.
First off, sick name. He sounds like your favorite rapper… I don’t know this guy, but his hairdo leapt off the page and demanded recognition. I don’t quite know if its styling is completely intentional or not – but either way, its dopeness is undeniable.
I realize that if you judged solely by these yearbook pics, you might think my hi skool was overwhelmingly ethnic. That ain’t the case – and I don’t mean to misrepresent my ol’ alma mater, but I figger white folks get enough high school recognition from the rest of the world. I mean, y’all got 90210, The O.C. and every John Hughes movie ever. And it ain’t like you’re gonna see Yung D. up in The Secret Life of American Teenagers anytime soon. So for all my Tamils, my Nubians and my Jeremy-Lin-jersey-rockers, I gotch’er back (but you best to watch your front…)

Yung D.

First off, sick name. He sounds like your favorite rapper… I don’t know this guy, but his hairdo leapt off the page and demanded recognition. I don’t quite know if its styling is completely intentional or not – but either way, its dopeness is undeniable.

I realize that if you judged solely by these yearbook pics, you might think my hi skool was overwhelmingly ethnic. That ain’t the case – and I don’t mean to misrepresent my ol’ alma mater, but I figger white folks get enough high school recognition from the rest of the world. I mean, y’all got 90210, The O.C. and every John Hughes movie ever. And it ain’t like you’re gonna see Yung D. up in The Secret Life of American Teenagers anytime soon. So for all my Tamils, my Nubians and my Jeremy-Lin-jersey-rockers, I gotch’er back (but you best to watch your front…)

Ojaye S. (could’ve been part of the set of dudes with rilly cool-sounding names)
This dude was in my gym class, too. At first I thought they were calling him “O.J.” like Simpson (prior to the infamous murders). Then the yearbook came out and I was like, “Oh, word? It’s actually “Ojaye”? Cool…”
In this pic he looks kinda like a young Big Daddy Kane – who along with Kool G. Rap, often goes unmentioned when we talk about the all-time great rappers. But the fact remains that in the middle-to-new-school era, the Mount Rushmore of MCs was Big Daddy Kane, Rakim, KRS One and Kool G. Rap. Try and tell me different.
If you’re giving me votes for Kool Moe Dee I can at least hear what you’re saying. If you’re going on about Uncle L, fughedaboutit. I can accept an argument for Slick Rick, too, but that’s about alls I’ll tolerate over here…

Ojaye S. (could’ve been part of the set of dudes with rilly cool-sounding names)

This dude was in my gym class, too. At first I thought they were calling him “O.J.” like Simpson (prior to the infamous murders). Then the yearbook came out and I was like, “Oh, word? It’s actually “Ojaye”? Cool…”

In this pic he looks kinda like a young Big Daddy Kane – who along with Kool G. Rap, often goes unmentioned when we talk about the all-time great rappers. But the fact remains that in the middle-to-new-school era, the Mount Rushmore of MCs was Big Daddy Kane, Rakim, KRS One and Kool G. Rap. Try and tell me different.

If you’re giving me votes for Kool Moe Dee I can at least hear what you’re saying. If you’re going on about Uncle L, fughedaboutit. I can accept an argument for Slick Rick, too, but that’s about alls I’ll tolerate over here…

J. Shao – the re-mix
Aside from a few re-dos, I haven’t drawn two different yearbook pictures of the same person - until now. When we last saw J. Shao, he was playing the role of racial doppelgänger to one F. Bawcutt, a.k.a. “globuloso” (making him “Asian globuloso”, if you’re scoring at home).
Anyhow, the reason he gets a sequel is simple: I was flipping through a yearbook when I noticed that not only did he get older – he got fresher. No more Fobby bangs – now he’s getting Dep on that ass. And then there’s the threads – an MF’n Nike Air Jordan IV “Flight” track jacket!?! And he’s all like, “Yeah, whateves… Where the weed at?” (I doubt he’s ever said “Where the weed at?”, but with his str8t gangsta expression to match the jacket, anything is possible…)
So, yeah – basically he’s in because his jacket is ridiculously dope. I mean, what’s with shit holding down the drawstrings? It’s needlessly fly shit like that whut makes Jordans so nice, nawimean? They didn’t need to do it. But they did. Completely superfluous – and kinda fly.
It’s like that move Mike made against the Lakers in Game 2 of the ‘91 Finals. He gets the pass from Livingston,  drives down the lane and elevates with the ball in his right hand for the dunk – then switches the ball to his left hand and lays it in on the way down. Insanely nice. A l’il too nice, even…
Oh yeah, the point – needlessly sick. Just some fuckin’ sauce for the sheer joy of making sauce. Just like the kicks and the jacket. And by the glorious law of shine*, just like J. Shao.
* “Shine” being the circle of influence that a particular celebrity (and the products he or she endorses) exudes. Mike had ridiculous amounts of shine – and thus, so did his shoes. Of course, it helped that they were actually beautiful all on their own, but you catch my drift…

J. Shao – the re-mix

Aside from a few re-dos, I haven’t drawn two different yearbook pictures of the same person - until now. When we last saw J. Shao, he was playing the role of racial doppelgänger to one F. Bawcutt, a.k.a. “globuloso” (making him “Asian globuloso”, if you’re scoring at home).

Anyhow, the reason he gets a sequel is simple: I was flipping through a yearbook when I noticed that not only did he get older – he got fresher. No more Fobby bangs – now he’s getting Dep on that ass. And then there’s the threads – an MF’n Nike Air Jordan IV “Flight” track jacket!?! And he’s all like, “Yeah, whateves… Where the weed at?” (I doubt he’s ever said “Where the weed at?”, but with his str8t gangsta expression to match the jacket, anything is possible…)

So, yeah – basically he’s in because his jacket is ridiculously dope. I mean, what’s with shit holding down the drawstrings? It’s needlessly fly shit like that whut makes Jordans so nice, nawimean? They didn’t need to do it. But they did. Completely superfluous – and kinda fly.

It’s like that move Mike made against the Lakers in Game 2 of the ‘91 Finals. He gets the pass from Livingston,  drives down the lane and elevates with the ball in his right hand for the dunk – then switches the ball to his left hand and lays it in on the way down. Insanely nice. A l’il too nice, even…

Oh yeah, the point – needlessly sick. Just some fuckin’ sauce for the sheer joy of making sauce. Just like the kicks and the jacket. And by the glorious law of shine*, just like J. Shao.

* “Shine” being the circle of influence that a particular celebrity (and the products he or she endorses) exudes. Mike had ridiculous amounts of shine – and thus, so did his shoes. Of course, it helped that they were actually beautiful all on their own, but you catch my drift…