The only thing more common than mullets in the early 90s were Raiders, UNLV, Michigan and Georgetown snapbacks. Trust me.
Mullets just barely surpassed San Jose Sharks, L.A. Kings and Miami (aka “The U”) Starter caps as the headwear of choice. And if you wore a mullet AND one of the previously mentioned hats, then you were just covering all the bases, I guess.
What I love the most about them is the whole two-hairstyles-for-the-price-of-one element. That’s the kind of bargain my parents would really go for…
Lookit this here gem I caught thumbing through my grade 9 yearbook. First off, sick name. Isn’t Morra the name of the coach that gave that wicked “playoffs!?!” rant? I think so (and will check later…)
Secondly, peep that illy hair-mustache combo! He looks like a white-ethnic Ma Fu Yi – one of the bad guys in the Shaw Brothers’ Five Masters of Death (also known as Five Shaolin Masters, but seriously – doesn’t Five Masters of Death just sound iller?), who also appears as Justice Ma in Five Deadly Venoms. Yes, there were a lot of numeral-based kung fu flicks back then…
No, this isn’t Wayne Campbell from Wayne’s World. And trust me, there’s nuthin’ ironic about dude either. This is just how white guys looked in the late 80s – for real, without any hint of smarm, kitsch or other post-90s affectation.
I’d have drawn the badge on his hat better except that I can’t honestly tell you what the fuck it is, so I guesstimated some sorta “Bass Fishing” kinda thang here.
I should also point out that this dude was a few years older than me so I can’t recall seeing him in the halls. But just the fact that such a majestic mullet could go unnoticed goes to show you how common that shit was back then…
Jaosn [sic] Miron
Imagine if they fucked up the spelling of your name in the yearbook. Pretty shitty, right? That’s what happened to ol’ Jason here (as replicated above) – as well as the thermonuclear fusing of two vastly different hairdos.
It’s not just that his hair flares out so majestically. It’s how high the locks start reaching out to embrace the world in mullety goodness. And if he kinda looks like a chick here, my bad. I get a vaguely jockish vibe, but regardless of type-casting by way of hair, he’s all dude.
I totally don’t know this dude. In fact, in my many years of perusing these here yearbooks, I think this is the first time I noticed him (mainly, I suppose, because I wuz on the lookout for mullets). But whut an awesome one he’s got! Lookit that shit down the sides, perfectly flared and everything. Not too long, though, like a goddamn hippie or anything. And up front? It’s all expense reports, projections and success measures – a.k.a. strickly bizness.
Is he a jock? Maybe. A nerd? Unlikely. In a band? I don’t think so – but who rilly knows the mystery wrapped in an enigma nestled in a mullet that is Philip H?
That stuff to the left and right of his neck isn’t a mistake. Or some photoshop snafu. That’s his hair. Seriously. This is possibly the best embodiment of business-in-the-front, party-in-the-back that I’ve ever seen. They look like two separate haircuts. From the front, he looks downright handsome, in a mildly white trash-kinda way. Dammit, with that lazy stubble, he could even be French! But then you’ve got that fuzzy, frizzy-ass shit in the back ruining it for everybody. I mean, it looks like there’s a couple of blonde squirrels stapled to the back of his head…
But things wuz different then. For white guys, it wuz the Swayze era still. I mean, I know he wuz more Ghost then than Road House or even Dirty Dancing, but mullets weren’t considered nearly so comical or retarded back then. You can tell just by their sheer abundance. Rocking them wuzn’t ironic, or even out-dated. It wuz a viable choice. Or at least a possible consideration. I count four on the two-page yearbook spread right in front of me. That’s one mullet for every 35 students, male and female. Of course, sample size is a li’l iffy, but you get the point.
I figured, why not start off White Guy Week in style? In case you’re wondering, I figgered I should do something for the Caucasian brothers, since their only representation thus far has been ol’ Globuloso – not exactly your typical white guy.
To compensate for the lack of modern white pop music at corporate functions, my DJ homeboy placates ’em with rawk. My compensation? A week of drawing white dudes only.
At first I wuz gonna do an all-mullet week – cuz make no mistake, you ain’t gotta go but a couple pages in my yearbook before you come across one. But despite their prevalence, there wuz way more to being white and male in hi skool than hockey hair – I promise.
But for now, there’s this dude. I dunno jack about him, but I remember seeing duke in skool at least. The hair and Kelly Gruber-like neck thickness has me thinking jock, though – probably football and hockey. I could totes fact-check, but won’t. It’s better to just let those assumptions marinate. Veracity isn’t the point here, anyway.
Taking a peek at his previous year’s picture, dude rocked this haircut then, too. So the shit had longevity. I also seem to recall his skin being slightly more pasty, but who rilly knows?